The Worst Advice Ever

What is the worst advice you’ve ever received? For me, “Suck it Up” ranks right up there.

When I was young, my brothers and well-meaning parents gave me this advice when I’d get angry or cry. Thinking about it now, ‘Suck it Up’ basically invalidates my feelings; that they’re wrong and that I should feel something else. 

Our society seems to fear negative emotions and has difficulty acknowledging them.  In fact, some fields, such as sports, push a version of mental toughness that treats negative emotions as a weakness. There was a time that tennis pushed a version that can be summarized as “No whining, no excuses”.

In singles tournaments, each player takes to the court alone. Their biggest foe is usually not the player on the other side of the net, but themselves. All sorts of thoughts pulse through them throughout a match, which sometimes exceeds three hours. “What a horrible backhand! This referee stinks. What if I don’t have it today? My first serve is killing me. How come I’m having trouble with an opponent that I can usually dispatch so easily. I could sure eat a burger right now.”

There was a time when American tennis players were taught to block out negative thoughts and focus on the game. The problem with this concept is that completely blocking out negative thoughts sometimes exacts with a heavy price.

Mardy Fish

Mardy Fish

In a wonderful Netflix documentary called “Untold: Breaking Point’, Mardy Fish, an accomplished American tennis player, recounted how he was constantly exposed to the culture of “No whining, no excuses,” since his days in the tennis academy.

When his game took off in 2011 and he became the top-ranked American tennis player, he also inherited the pressure of following in the footsteps of former US giants from Jimmy Connors and John McEnroe through Jim Courier to Pete Sampras and André Agassi.

In the documentary, Fish states that the pressure got to the point where he withdrew from tennis to deal with mental issues. With professional help, he learned to accept negative emotions. He stated that he felt much better when he acknowledged his emotions, and talked to others about them. It was in complete contrast to the “No whining, no excuses” mentality that was ingrained in him from a young age.

Novak Djokovic

Novak Djokovic, whom many consider to be tennis’s GOAT, has an interesting view on the topic. At the beginning of his career, he would try to shrug off negative thoughts. It was only when he began to acknowledge them that he was able to turn the corner. To win, he needs to remain in a flow. When a negative emotion pops up, he addresses it as it surfaces so that he can get back into his flow as quickly as possible. He credits this ability as a major contributor to his tennis success.

We’re more effective when we are in harmony within ourselves. Whether our workplace is a tennis court, an office or elsewhere, we can do so by acknowledging our emotions and moving forward. This does not mean dwelling on them and giving ourselves reason to remain negative. Acknowledging them means that we are now ready to address the underlying need and return to harmony.

Conclusion

·         Ignore advice such as “Suck it up” that invites you to invalidate your feelings.

·         Look inward instead and acknowledge your emotions them without self-judgment.

·         Address the need behind the emotion. Sometimes acknowledgement is all that’s needed.

·         Mental toughness does have some merit, but it’s important to recognize its limitations.

Suggested viewing

Untold: Breaking Point, 2021. Available on Netflix

We welcome your comments, and suggestions for future topics.

By Steven Bleau