Living vs. Doing Conscious Communication

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who seems to say all the right things but it still feels empty? When it happens to me, I tend to get irritated because I’m looking for real connection. Instead, I get someone who doesn’t really seem to want to be there.

We recently explored that topic of listening deeply vs living artificially at C3 Ahuntsic this week.

Three points really came to the fore during the activities.

First, living conscious communication is a full body experience where we remain open and alert to our words, intonations and body language in the present moment. We’re more likely to pick up on the other person’s signals such as shorter breaths and speaking more quickly. We’ll also notice changes in us. In my case, I’m more likely to sigh due to chest contractions when I hear something that makes me uncomfortable. I’ll more likely to notice this when I’m living conscious communication

When we’re “doing” conscious communication, we tend to process the conversation in the mind. We tend to focus on the next step in the process, or whether we’re doing it right. We’re more likely to miss the little signals that our bodies and word choices are emitting.

Point 2, am I listening because I want to or out of a sense of obligation? If I want to be there, I will be emotionally available to the other person. We’ll likely have a richer, deeper conversation. If I’m doing it out of a sense of obligation, our chat will probably be short and remain at a superficial level.

This brings us to the third point. I’m likely to have a more rewarding conversation if I identify my intention. It provides the backbone for the conversation. Should I choose to listen deeply, for example, I’m more likely to connec.t with the other person. If I don’t clarify my intention, my mind will most likely do so subconsciously.

Let’s say that my wife arrives home while I’m making supper. She says, “You won’t believe what happened at work today, honey.” If I choose the intention of being fully present, I might say, “Oh, I want to hear this, but I’m feeling preoccupied because a good family meal is important to me. Do you mind if I take a few minutes so I can get the meal in the oven, then I can really hear what you have to say?” If I don’t choose an intention, I might say, “Sure, let’s hear it? Then, while she’s talking, I’ll be thinking about the meal.

To summarize. The meeting on consciousness communication: doing it vs. living it brought out three points for me.

1. Living conscious communication is a full body experience that focuses on the present moment, whereas “doing it” is an intellectual exercise that focuses on the process.

2. We’re going to have a more meaningful conversation if we want to be present rather than out of a sense of obligation.

3. We are far more likely to live conscious communication if we identify our intention beforehand.